Well, everything fell apart.

I can't say it came as a terrible surprise, just one of those wrenching life lessons. That actually sums up most of the last year, actually. My cells all died again, and after six weeks of being homeless and working 80 or 90 hours I decided I was putting effort down a black hole and I needed to reassess. So I packed up my stuff and headed back to Albuquerque. That part is going pretty well - I love being home, and I feel like I've been able to be useful here. It's been great to be with my parents and to spend time with Ryan and Jessica. I still don't have a job, which has been extremely difficult to handle; I feel like a complete loser, and my finances are in shambles. On the other hand, the economy is rotten, and I have decided not to do what I am trained to do, so I must expect some difficulties. In the long run it will be better, but for now it stinks.

I'm not sure whether I'll be able to finish my degree. I'm trying. I'm switching to a library research based thesis, which will help, but it's hard to do that on top of the other things I'm doing -- for an unemployed person, I've been keeping pretty busy. I should be significantly less busy, though, since my best friend in Albuquerque just moved to Japan. :( Guess that will help the paper writing, in any event. And now I have a good excuse to visit Japan.

It's been a difficult time emotionally - I'm so confused about what I should be doing with my life, and I feel really overlooked and left behind. I know, though, that in the most important things I'm doing ok: my testimony is strong, and I'm continuing to improve in my ability to live the gospel, I am on great terms with my family and have been able to help them, and I haven't given up. Patience and quiet endurance have always been strengths of mine; I just need to get my shoulders under this and keep moving.

Is it too late to be a librarian?