I'm starting to wonder if I'm the person I think I am.

I'm over a year without a boyfriend - that is far and away the longest time I've ever gone without a serious relationship. It's been good for me, probably. The hardest thing about it is that my boyfriends have always also been my bestfriends (and in some cases still are, which causes complications), and so I feel like I'm losing friends, running out. It's been much harder than I expected to maintain my self identity without anyone to... play? with me. Someone who really understood me, challenged me regularly, was willing to banter and to indulge my rants and to side track me. It's been hard to focus on some goals without anyone watching my progress, encouraging me. I didn't realize how much I've depended on some of those interactions.
I love Biology, specifically Molecular Biology (the distinction is really important), but I haven't been sure lately that I belong in grad school. I don't feel like I'm very good at it. On the other hand, I'm a good organizer, I think I can see what needs to be done, and when we started discussing gene regulation by histone tail modification... sure enough, there was that insuppressible grin. "Goofy happy". It's just my thing; I can't help it. PhD applications are making me kinda wish I could, though. Ick, big time.
I've tried to make myself a patient, kind person. Someone generous and accepting and really positive. Lately, though, I find myself really irritable and ready to snap at anything. I don't, but I want to. This may be due at least in part to sleep deprivation; I've experienced the symptoms before. That's not a good excuse, though.

Some stuff to think about, I guess. One of the fun things about life is getting to choose who we become. Maybe I need to choose a little harder. ;-)